My intention for Year 1 of Project 52 is to Meet Myself in All My Magnificence.
My birthday was this week, so I decided to celebrate by starting my first Project 52. Here’s what I’m going to do:
First, I set an intention for the next 52 weeks of my life — this newsletter will outline why I want to meet myself in all my magnificence.
I will hold my intention close to my heart and remind myself of it regularly through visual cues.
I will track practices related to my intention. Practice tracking is the core of Project 52 — it helps build awareness and discipline.
I will be integrating lessons learned regularly through writing.
Ultimately, I will trust the universe to work its magic and conspire to help me realize my intention.
Part 1: Little Miss Helpful
All my life, I’ve been trying to help others meet themselves in their magnificence. As a daughter, sister, facilitator, healer, speaker, friend, and acquaintance — my intention has always been to relentlessly empower, support, and nurture everyone I come across.
Right from a young age, I knew that my purpose is to be of service to others. The problem, however, was that as an empathetic young maiden, I was socially expected to give unto others until the wells run dry — only then would I be loved and accepted. Moreover, resting never came naturally to me while growing up in the fast-paced culture of Mumbai.
As I sensed into the world around me, there was a loud and urgent voice in my head. “There is so much work to do! My family, friends, and community need me. How could I possibly rest and let go when they are suffering? Self-care sounds like the most horrible and selfish thing to do right now. What I really need to do is find solutions to all these problems!”
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” ― Bertrand Russell
Intellectually, I knew that I had to fill my own cup first before serving others. After all, we can only give from what we already have. So I took small steps toward living from a space of self-love and joy, slowly peeling off the complex layers of self-betrayal disguised as “niceness”.
Despite making attempts to weave self-care into the fabric of my life, my burning desire for fulfilling my purpose of saving the world would diminish the quality of my rest. I’d find myself constantly sensing and transmuting the collective pain, grief, and suffering that I feel so very viscerally — so much so that it would consume me.
It seemed like the only reason to fill my cup up was to empty it the next second. For example, a few years ago, I started visiting a chiropractor and physiotherapist to recover from chronic back pain. But the minute I got slightly better, my focus would inevitably shift outwards. I felt a sense of urgency to take on more than I could handle. Soon enough, all the healing that had occurred was undone.
I’ve been trapped in this pattern my whole life…
Part 2: Blessings in Disguise
When the pandemic hit, the world changed forever. Strangely, through the chaos and disruption, a part of me started to come alive. My purpose started to unravel and become clearer. My work felt more fulfilling. I could see that by just being me and doing my bit, I was connected to the cosmic movement that is bringing a shift in consciousness across the world.
Just when I thought things were finally aligning for me, I developed a condition called Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). Through most of 2021, I spent 15 days each month in bed, distraught and crying in pain — which the PMDD community calls “hell weeks”. I could barely function, my work had to be paused, and my relationships went through a major shift. I felt like I was irreparably broken, and I had given up all hopes of getting better.
“In life, there are only blessings and blessings in disguise.” - Nikhil Iyer
Initially, I could only see my condition as a curse — but soon, I started to see it as a blessing in disguise. When I was met in my dark, tender, and hysterical mess with unconditional love, patience, and presence by my soul family, I realized I could never be the same again. The sticky self-sabotage, neglect, and victimizing patterns I had identified with came up to the surface and I just couldn’t run anymore. I learned to fully receive and accept the care I wished to give others.
I was left with no choice but to embody all the information I had absorbed intellectually. So I had to reset my entire lifestyle to find my way back to real, sustained wellness. I’d reached a point where I had everything I needed not only to get by, but to thrive — all I needed to do now was to act from a space of sovereignty.
Part 3: Queen Meets King
This new year’s eve, I sat in my room alone, painting a self-portrait body map to declare that 2022 will be the year when I embody true sovereignty. I knew that I had to drastically change my life to step into that version of me. So I threw out everything I’d believed about myself and set out on a solo trip to my hometown in the first week of January.
I spent a week preparing for my nature immersion that was part of my yearlong Wildpeace Quest. I sat with my journal trying to decode all the signs and synchronicities to figure out what lies ahead of me. And when I least expected it, purely by divine intervention, I met Frank.
I had been following his work for a while and was curious to cross-pollinate ideas for developing a balanced habit-tracking system — something we were both experimenting with in our own way. I had been developing a Self Care Practice Tracker for menstruators to live in tune with their blood and moon cycles, but it needed some more structure and solidity. Frank’s Project 52 tracker was in-depth and comprehensive but could've used some spontaneity and flow.
Halfway through those conversations, we both knew that we were meant to be together. And I have to say — it’s so good to be mirrored by a man who carries the same quality of sincerity and fierce commitment I feel towards the path. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t give up on myself during my dark PMDD days when my healing journey became extremely challenging. Being in an intentional relationship has been incredibly transformational for me. Everything makes sense now!
So here I am 8 months later, finally entering my Project 52: Year 1 on my 27th birthday! The new practice tracker we co-created is the perfect combination of structure and flow. It helps me observe myself compassionately through the 4 distinct phases of my menstrual cycle and lets me play around with my never-ending list of ever-evolving self-care practices.
Part 4: Coming Home to Myself
A few years back, if you asked me what I wanted to do with my life, my answer would be “I want to serve my people, humanity, and the world.”
But something has shifted within me — I want to be present and supportive towards myself first. I want to give myself all the love and care I need, space for expression and exploration, time to process and breathe, resources to fill my cup, heal my body, and let my spirit soar.
“Put yourself first and everyone benefits.” — Jim Karas
I am who I am because of the soul connections I have in my life. I am forever grateful for this top-notch, cutting-edge community care. Although it may not make sense initially, I know that putting myself first will allow for more wholeness and realness in my relationships with others. I know now that I am not bad or weak for saying NO or needing my time. I dare to be different and speak my truth because I know that my heart is in the right place.
I have also met my edges and shadows that emerge in intimate groups. I have seen the unspeakable whirlwind of darkness emerging from the fractured collective unconscious that consumes us as a people. I have witnessed and accepted my limits in this human form while committing to transmute what I can so that I may relate better.
I want to be the kind of person who inspires you to take care of yourself. Just by being me, I want to remind you that it is time to come home.
As much as I want to say that my life is about this or that, I am coming to realize that my life is about me — my choices, my happiness, my health, my work, my family, my food, my home, and most importantly my relationship with myself and the divine. This is what informs everything else.
Part 5: Trusting the Process
Over the next year, I will pray for my deepest desires to be realized. I will hold all the parts of me that don’t fully believe this is possible for me (and us) in this lifetime. I will patiently let go of my attachment to the old stories. Then, I hope to have enough spaciousness to accept and receive what I seek.
I am sharing bits from my journal below so that I can finally begin to speak my intentions into existence. I believe that by sharing them, these desires of mine receive your love and attention. I request your prayers and blessings as I embark on this adventure!
BEING
I surrender to divine will and let myself be guided.
I embrace the stillness and completeness within me.
I am discerning about how I spend my time and energy.
I honor the alchemical magic that is brewing in my sisterhood.
DOING
I live a life of balance — I know when to rest and when to work.
I am reclaiming the wisdom of the divine feminine that lies within my body and in the very fabric of the earth.
I take care of my body, mind, and spirit through consistent practices.
I offer my gifts to the world in a way that is aligned with my values.
My work is nourishing to both me and my clients because I embody rather than preach.
HAVING
We have a thriving network of loving, interconnected community bonds.
We safely and confidently anchor into our multidimensional existence together.
We live in harmony with Mother Gaia, with people we care for and enjoy creating with.
We innovate organizations, projects, and systems that help us support our visions for the future.
We have clarity about what our purpose really is.
We receive all the resources we need to make our dreams come true.
Everything around us unfolds in perfect alignment for the highest good of all.
If I truly believe that you and I are one, I must meet myself in all my magnificence because I want all of us to meet ourselves in our magnificence.
I have many ideas about how I plan to Meet Myself in All My Magnificence this year. However, a lot of it is still unknown.
“The Divine Mystery of life is much more vast than our conscious minds can grasp.
So in that context, surrendering what you think you are and can do to a higher power is a way to tap into the latent potential of everything you actually are and can do, which is far, far greater.
Surrendering to the force of life allows for the deeply embodied and interconnected sapience of your entire being to take over. I call this sovereignty in surrender. It's like surfing the giant cosmic wave of life and trying to do it to the best of your ability, even though you can't fully comprehend it.” — Euvie Ivanova
Thank you for reading the murmurs of my heart. I hope to keep writing and sharing updates and insights that I receive along the way.
A big warm hug Aarti ♥️
Reading this has brought me closer to myself. I feel the joy and warmth.
My favorite line is "I want to be the kind of person who inspires you to take care of yourself."
This write-up is precious and so are you. Love you. 🤗♥️
All the very best Aarti. Wish you a wonderful journey towards magnificence :)