My true intention for Year 3 of Project 52 was to expand into my ikigai — my reason for being. I wanted to expand at the intersection between what I’m good at, what I love, what the world needs, and what I can be paid for.
I say expand and not find because I‘ve known what my ikigai is for a while — it is to create heaven on earth — to realize paradise. But I’ve been unsure of how to do that — how do I realize paradise at scale? How do I help hundreds of thousands of people create heaven on earth for themselves and their loved ones? The sheer hutzpah of having an ambition like that… it’s overwhelming.
When I started Year 3 in May 2022, I thought that the best way to realize paradise at scale was through leverage — an approach that allows you to achieve more with less.
As useful as leverage is, there’s something a bit mechanistic about it for my taste. I do not believe that we live in a mechanistic universe. Like Nikola Tesla, I believe that to find the secrets of the universe, one must think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration. Or in terms of cycles, rhythms, and patterns.
Over the last few months, I’ve been developing my theoretical and practical understanding of the energetic and rhythmic universe that we inhabit. After 7+ years of exploration and experimentation, I‘ve finally found the thread that leads to the creation of heaven on earth — I’ve finally found the elementary approach to life that I set out to find in 2015.
My heart has been aching to share my explorations and learnings with the world, but it has been a struggle. Something is preventing me from further expanding into my ikigai. I believe that this something is that my cup is too full.
To expand into my ikigai, I need to eliminate all that is not in alignment with it from my field. I need to unlearn, undo, subtract, remove, abolish, eradicate, erase, cut out, weed out, stamp out, throw out, exclude, drop, and delete.
I need to empty my cup to make space for the life that’s ahead of me.
Emptying My Cup to Expand into My Ikigai
Starting today — December 1st, 2022 — I will start emptying my cup and creating space for my ikigai to flow in. There are 2 areas to cover:
Where I need to reduce and regulate how much attention/energy I give
Where I need to completely stop my attention/energy from flowing
Area 1: Reduce & Regulate
These items are not all-or-nothing. I don’t expect to 100% stick to my word here. The goal is to reduce and regulate significantly. In some cases, I’ve mentioned the general rules to follow, but in others, I’ve kept it open-ended.
Ejaculation: “Sperm is the storehouse of male sexual energy. A single ejaculation has 200 to 500 million sperm cells, each a potential human being. The manufacture of sperm fluid capable of such psychic super potency consumes up to a third of a man's daily energy output and is especially taxing on the male glandular/immunological system.” (source)
I haven’t watched porn in 11 months and don’t wish to watch it ever again. I haven’t solo masturbated in 11 months and I wish to continue this streak for at least 13 months more. I wish to add the practice of sexual yoga to my roster of practices. But right now, the focus is not on addition. So I will start by reducing the number of times I ejaculate and figure out the sexual yoga later.
Youtube and social media: I haven’t been (very) active on social media or watched much Youtube for a few weeks now. The spaciousness that I have as a result feels liberating. I will abstain from watching Youtube and browsing social media from Monday-Saturday. Streaming music on Youtube is allowed.
Internet: No internet for at least one hour after waking up.
Junk food & junk information: I will reduce the consumption of processed, deep-fried, or sugary foods. I will reduce the consumption of news and other media as well as reduce the time spent listening to music.
Warm showers: It’s time to lean into the discomfort. I will have cold showers by default and warm ones only once in a while.
Thinking: I am thinking, planning, analyzing, ruminating, wondering, questioning, sensemaking, reflecting, and philosophizing all the time. These processes have their place. But unregulated, they disconnect me from reality and cause me to get lost in virtual realities created by the symbols that these processes are built on. So I will quiet my mind and move into emptiness. That’s not the end goal, but the starting point. That’s how I will begin again.
Expectations: Our expectations define our limitations. For a guy who’s set out to create heaven on earth, you would think I don’t have many limitations. But my biggest limitation is the expectations I have of how my life should unfold. The truth is, I have no idea how this mission is going to be fulfilled through me. I haven’t created the space for the strategy to emerge as I’ve been too busy imposing my expectations and ideas on reality… until now.
By dropping all expectations from myself and others, I will take each moment as it comes. I will truly surrender to each moment and ask — what’s the medicine here? How is this happening for me?
I will learn to see that the work is being done through me at all times and that I just need to get out of the way. I will learn to trust that I am always at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, at all times — and so is everything and everyone around me. I will learn to see that I make all the right mistakes and that all the right mistakes are made around me.
I will even drop the expectations I have of emptying my cup. I trust that if I’m not able to keep my word, then there is a lesson in there for me.
I will relax into each moment and offer everything to the Cosmic Father & Mother as an act of devotion.
Area 2: Completely Stop
I expect to 100% stick to my word here. These are all-or-nothing.
No (drinking) alcohol: I haven’t had a drink in 11 months. I will continue this streak for 13 months more (at least). Edibles infused with alcohol are allowed.
No screens at mealtimes: Specifically, no TV shows, movies, or YouTube. This streak is also 11 months long and I wish to continue it for life.
No smoking: I have been smoking occasionally since my death-rebirth experience last year. It’s nowhere near as bad as it was before I quit the first time in 2018. But I’m saying NO to smoking — at least for the next 13 months.
No CBD/THC: When I came back home in late 2019 after ~4 years in Bangalore, I was in a state of deep despair. I felt like a failure and I wasn’t looking forward to staying with my parents. I was depressed and dejected. The medicine that helped me get my life back on track was CBD/THC. One 125mg capsule a day is all it took to elevate my mood. I started showing up for work and running regularly. Within a few months, I started Year 1 of Project 52. I got my shit together and healed my relationship with my parents. And I couldn’t have done it without CBD/THC. It was a crutch that I needed these past few years. But now, it’s time to let go — at least for 13 months. I’m strong enough to stand up on my own.
I will phase this out gently over the next few weeks with my last remaining strip of 10 CBD capsules.
No psychoactive substances: These have been essential catalysts in my journey so far. But it’s time to set them aside — at least for 13 months. Coffee and tea are allowed.
No TV shows or movies by myself: This is a significant one. I LOVE immersing myself in TV shows and movies — they are my favorite form of escape. So this one is going to be challenging.
I will phase this out with the last episode of The Peripheral (S1) tomorrow, the remaining 3 episodes of Rick & Morty S6, and the last season of His Dark Materials which begins mid-December.
No video games: Specifically on laptops, desktops, and consoles. I have one game on my phone right now — playing that is allowed but installing new games is not allowed.
And finally…
No More Project 52…
Project 52 and the practice of practice tracking have been the scaffolding on which I have built my life over the last ~3 years. This system I created after reading James Clear’s Atomic Habits has been a blessing. It has helped me to…
Build foundational practices to take care of my physical, mental and spiritual well-being. Heal my body, mind, and spirit. Show up for what needed to be done.
Heal my relationship with my parents and work on the well-being of my family.
Heal traumatic experiences through death-rebirth and integrate massive personal transformations.
Learn more about myself and be myself with less and less resistance.
Build relationships with amazing friends who have also found practice tracking and Project 52 to be useful in their own journey.
Steward the personal development of my clients and experience what it’s like to get paid for doing what I love.
Find the love of my life…
But as it stands today, Project 52 is also ready to go through a death-rebirth. I believe that it will be reborn as elementary. I have seen glimpses of what it will become, but the whole is yet to emerge. That is why I’m creating a vacuum by emptying my cup.
In this newsletter, I've written entirely about what I don't want to do anymore. I don't intend to plan or decide about what I want to do.
Living with no intention, I will simply embrace that which emerges in each moment and roll with it. I trust that it will take me where I want to go.
In closing, if I had to summarize this newsletter, I would say…
I will not fight myself anymore.
I will not fly away from myself either.
I will stop pretending that I have more work to do.
I will simply be myself and rest in the knowing that…
The work is done,
The war is won.
Free "me" & inter-be with love,
To come together - this is our vow.
Anchor & amplify the light,
Don't bother picking up a fight.
Surrender & meander through life,
Let go of the need for strife.
Integrate & transcend polarity,
See beyond the illusion of duality.
Celebrate where we are at,
And rest in knowing that...
The work is done,
The war is won.