Reflections & an Introduction
Notes from the year that's passed since I closed Project 52 and a few words on elementary — a devotional way of being.
Just over a year ago, I published Beginning Again — the last post on Project 52 — the previous version of this publication. I wrote about my intention to expand into my ikigai (my reason for being) — which I felt was to realize paradise, to create heaven on earth.
I wrote about letting go of all that was stopping me from expanding into my ikigai. One of the things I wanted to let go of was ‘expectations’. Here’s a snippet [emphasis original]:
Our expectations define our limitations. For a guy who’s set out to create heaven on earth, you would think I don’t have many limitations. But my biggest limitation is the expectations I have of how my life should unfold. The truth is, I have no idea how this mission is going to be fulfilled through me. […]
By dropping all expectations from myself and others, I will take each moment as it comes. I will truly surrender to each moment and ask — what’s the medicine here? […]
I will learn to see that the work is being done through me at all times and that I just need to get out of the way. I will learn to trust that I am always at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, at all times — and so is everything and everyone around me. I will learn to see that I make all the right mistakes and that all the right mistakes are made around me.
I will even drop the expectations I have of emptying my cup. I trust that if I’m not able to keep my word, then there is a lesson in there for me.
I will relax into each moment and offer everything to the Cosmic Father & Mother as an act of devotion.
I’m writing now to share my reflections on this past year in the context of the above statements.
First, a word on limitations. The wrong limitations can feel like a prison, but the right ones are the key to liberation. The right limitations exist in the context of a commitment.
When you commit or devote yourself to someone, as in the case of a relationship or marriage, you impose limits on yourself. Commit to the right person, and you will find yourself on the fast track to freedom. This is what has happened to me over the last two years, having devoted myself to
.I was asked recently — how do you deal with your limitations? My immediate thought was that I get frustrated. I’ve gotten plenty frustrated with myself and Aarti over the last two years.
But I’ve also gotten good at asking — what’s the medicine here? How is this contributing to my evolution? I’ve found that the more often I embody this living question, the more free I feel.
I aspired to create heaven on earth. This glorious purpose was a core part of my identity and I thought it was my reason for being. But in this past year, I’ve let it go to see what it’s like to be without reason.
In doing that, I realized that my true reason for being is to be without reason — to be free and to hold space for the frequency of freedom. And freedom, as we’ve seen, comes from the right limitations, which exist in the context of our commitments — our devotions.
In Beginning Again, I made a commitment to empty my cup. I made a list of things that I wanted to stop doing or reduce/regulate, thinking that was how I would empty my cup.
But apart from Project 52 — the structure that supported my personal development — these limitations I tried to impose on myself didn’t take hold. I didn’t keep my word with any of the items on that list. I didn’t meet my expectations. But my cup was emptied anyway…
Along with Project 52, I feel like the scaffolding holding my old identity together, just collapsed. For what seemed like an eternity, I was in an in-between zone with nothing to hold me. Everything I tried to put together fell apart — everything I filled my cup with drained right out.
Aarti went through a similar experience. We were blessed to have each other to hold and be held by through it all. Only now, we are re-emerging by integrating and transcending our old identities and ways of being.
I used to have an aspirational way of being. I wanted to develop, improve, grow, optimize, and build myself up as a person. We have an aspirational way of being as a society too. The religion of progress reigns supreme. We all want to make the world a better place.
There are many definitions of what a better person or a better world would look like. But most of us default to attaining more power — and more of everything that makes us feel powerful. This includes knowledge, intelligence, wealth, health, networks, resources, and so on.
But this doesn’t often include love, kindness, patience, empathy, and wisdom. Not that there’s something wrong with the former, but without the latter, we find ourselves slip-sliding into the apocalypse — which is exactly where we find ourselves today… which is exactly where I found myself over the last year — in my personal apocalypse.
The word apocalypse is thought to signify the end times, but its literal translation from the original Greek is ‘revelation’. What was revealed to me over the last year is that an aspirational way of being is an illusion. The idea that there’s an external world on which we are supposed to impose control is a lie.
We think we are in control, but really, we are in Flow.
The enfolding and unfolding Flow of life is all there is. Everything flows and Flow is everything.
The tendency to control, manipulate, manage, and dominate the Flow is also part of the flow.
We mistakenly believe that Control is separate from and outside of the Flow, but the flow encompasses and subsumes all.
Our suffering is the result of this mistaken belief. But of course, the mistaken belief is also part of the Flow!
We can choose to flow without suffering. We can choose to end the fight. We can choose to stop resisting and fidgeting.
We can choose to rest in the wholeness, completeness, and perfection of the Flow in every moment.
But whether we choose to do this or not, the Flow will continue to flow.
To flow without struggle is to bend without breaking — to be adaptable.
There is still pain, but you don’t suffer because of the pain.
There is still tension, but you don’t break because of the tension.
You dance with the flow, shaping it and being shaped by it.
You trust the intelligence of the Flow. You trust that its destination is Good, True, and Beautiful.
Living without anticipation or expectations… Not anticipating and expecting the Flow to go a certain way and not holding certain outcomes in mind, good or bad.
But not pushing expectations away when they arise and welcoming them as part of the coming and going of the Flow.
And not trying to prevent expectations from influencing you.
Letting it be and letting it become…
Living without judgement… Not labeling situations or people or things as good or bad, simply witnessing them as they are.
But not pushing judgments away when they arise and welcoming them as part of the coming and going of the Flow.
And not trying to prevent judgments from influencing you.
Letting it be and letting it become…
Living without aspirations… Not wanting this or that in particular, not favoring certain outcomes or trajectories…
But if desire emerges, if bias emerges, then welcoming it as part of the coming and going of the Flow.
Not trying to prevent it from influencing you.
Letting it be and letting it become…
There is no need to plan, strategize, think things through… But if the planning, strategy, and thinking emerge, allow them to emerge.
When you struggle to allow, allow for your not allowing as well.
Taking each moment as whole, complete and perfect in and of itself.
Witnessing the Flow in each moment as it unfolds and enfolds endlessly.
Whole-heartedly dancing with the Flow at each moment!
When you do that, life becomes elementary.
elementary is a devotional way of being.
When your aspirations are primary, you start by asking — what do I want? How do I get it?
With elementary, allowance is primary. You allow the enfolding and unfolding of the Flow. You devote yourself to life as it is.
Trusting the intelligence of life, you start by embodying this living question — How can I hold space for what's unfolding right now?
As I feel into this question, I am present to it’s simplicity. At the same time, I can feel how different our “normal” way of being is. I see that it will take time for me to embody this question. A realization of the deep trust in life that I need to cultivate brings me to tears…
I see how opening awareness will be an essential part of the process…
This newsletter will go out at the moment of the Winter Solstice — 8:57 am on the 22nd of December. I have timed it as such to honor the containers that hold us all — the flow of the seasons, the revolution of the earth around the sun, the rotation of the earth on its axis. We are held in this cosmic symphony!
There are patterns in the Flow. There is a pattern to how our bodies dance with the Flow. In the coming weeks and months, I intend to further explore this.
Stay tuned for more on elementary, as and when it unfolds.